


The Grind (It's All Grift)

by t0talcha0s



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, Jane is an investigator protecting her grandmother's empire, Not Canon Compliant, Roxy and Dirk followed in alpha Dave and Rose's footsteps as traitors against HIC's reign
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-18
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2018-05-21 04:41:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6038533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/t0talcha0s/pseuds/t0talcha0s
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jane Crocker spent her days working to keep her family's empire clean, but Roxy Lalonde and Dirk Strider were a nasty stain on her pristine record. So when notorious cat-burglar Lalonde practically invited herself into her office she was well aware something was up, she just had to figure out what it was, and how to get a step ahead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, basic AU info: Her Imperious Condescension (Jane's Grandmother) has successfully built her empire and lead it in a big-brother, 1984-esque fashion. Jane works as head investigator of a firm dedicated to protecting her family's empire and she had been working tirelessly to take down Roxy and Dirk. Roxy and Dirk have followed in their parents footsteps becoming well known thieves and those who spoke out against HIC's rule and are basically menaces to the Crocker empire.

"She's an alarmingly intelligent broad who wouldn't bat an eye at anything you attempt to do to stop her regardless of its legality or lack thereof." 

"I'm well aware." Jane paused, "I think that's why I find myself so hopelessly infatuated with her." She left out the physical attraction she felt as she picked up the newest photo of cat burglar, and revolutionary, Roxy Lalonde between her middle and pointer fingers, like she'd hold a cigarette. Lalonde was wanted for treason, she and her brother, Dirk Strider, had followed in their parents footsteps and continued to speak out against, and rob the empire with every step they took. The photo was blurry, it pictured Lalonde with her hands on the ground and her feet above her, swinging her way out of a skylight. Her clothing was black, a pouch strapped to her hip was stuffed full, and a tight hood was not doing it's job fully and allowed bits of shockingly white hair to escape and stand in stark contrast to her dark-skinned forehead. Jane found her eyes straying to the manic grin Lalonde wore, it seemed so carefree and delighted, despite the crime she was committing. Lalonde's temperament was a complete 180° compared to that of her brother's and Jane couldn't help but enjoy the joy that flitted through bright pink eyes, even in a photograph. The office drone who had come to deliver the newest discoveries to Jane broke her out of her scrutiny with an honest, 

"You think you can catch them?" when she didn't respond he continued as if further explanation was needed. "Strider and her?" Jane sent a proper Crocker glare at him from beneath cherry red glasses. 

"I wouldn't be here if I wasn't more then capable." Her family made this empire, and she'd be damned if she didn't protect it. She turned her head back down to the file, wordlessly dismissing the man, and enveloped herself in the dryly told tale of the robbery of a cybernetics laboratory. They'd been focusing on inventions lately, they must be planning something big, that didn't sit well with Jane. 

"Should I go?" Jane snapped her head up, waving the man away. 

"Are you still here? Please, go, I have a lot of work to do." He nodded and hurriedly walked out of the room, leaving the frosted glass door engraved with 'Jane Crocker Lead Investigator' to rattle shut. The file on her desk was thick, she hadn't been kidding, she had tons of work to do. 

The memory of her receiving the new intel interrupted the list of stolen items that ran through her mind like a grocery list. Though a grocery list would have been more useful in all honesty as Jane blindly roamed the halls of the local grocery store after work. She nodded at the gargantuan poster of her grandmother that loomed over shoppers, reminding them of the empire's strict, no-tolerance policy for crimes of any sort.

Jane wished she could leave work at the office but she couldn't connect the stolen items and it itched the back of her mind. Uranium, sheet metal, a core component to a nuclear reactor she couldn't pronounce the name of, an experimental engine, and a vile of something called 'lot 192' which Jane still needed to look into. As she picked up a bag of flour she considered calling up her inventor contact, but decided she could do that only if worst came to worst. Perhaps there was another angle she was missing. She brought her sparsely filled cart to checkout, tapping her fingers on the side of the conveyer belt in a way that made her seem impatient. Maybe she was. 

The labs had no relation to each other, other then being geographically close, and each covered a different topic of interest. Each was experimental, based on furthering research in their particular fields, but the fields didn't overlap, or maybe Jane wasn't thinking about it right. 

The drive back to her house was tense and irritating, she was honked at several times for being distracted and missing lights turning green. She brought her grocery bags up and into the kitchen, not bothering to make anything, before slipping off her shoes and pacing across the white carpeting of her living room. Her house mainly carried a blue and white color scheme, with pops of bright, cherry red throughout, she was proud of how it looked, stylish and sleek. A photograph of she and her grandmother sat on a shelf next to a picture of her an her father, the steely eyes of the Crocker family always critiquing her. 

Jane stalked back to the car for her work bag, dropping it unceremoniously on the coffee table and laying out the pictures of the stolen items. They didn't connect in any obvious physical way, and Jane wouldn't know what to do with any of it. She groaned over her confusion, digging in her pocket for her phone and finding the number of her inventor contact, she wouldn't consider them friends but his knowledge certainly came in handy. She tapped her nails on the arm of the couch to avoid the bad habit of chewing them as she sat through a minute of so or ringing. 

_"You have reached the automatic voice message box of Equius Zahhak, if your message is urgent or important please leave it after the tone."_ Jane clenched her fingers in the fabric of the couch. 

"Yes hello, it's Jane Crocker, I have some urgent and important news for you to look at regarding a very high profile case. Get back to me as soon as possible, thank you." She put her phone down and rubbed the bridge of her nose beneath her glasses. 

She kept her phone close by as she showered, changed, and tucked herself into bed. As she continued to not receive a call from Equius her eyelids began to droop so she allowed herself to drift to sleep 

Until her phone rang loudly and interrupted her sleep. She slapped her hand atop her phone, contemplating going back to sleep when she saw the caller ID didn't read 'Equius Zahhak' but instead read 'work'. She picked up. 

"What do you want, do you have any idea what time it is?" 

"Yes Ms. Crocker I know, but I think you might want to come into work early." Jane put her glasses on and ran her fingers through mangled black locks. 

"And _why_ would I want to do that?" 

"We caught her." 

"Who?" 

"Roxy Lalonde." Her reaction was automatic, a reflex. 

"Liar." 

"No ma'm, chief said you'd want to interrogate her." 

"I would. I will be right there." Excitement hummed through her, but doubt consumed her as well. This had to be a joke. She wouldn't let herself live it down if it wasn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is poor storytelling but I cannot be bothered to care. 
> 
> My tumblr's barefootcosplayer


	2. Chapter 2

Jane was still wearing her pale blue, satin pajamas when she came into work. She shrugged off the looks of her coworkers as she stalked to one particular coworker, Terezi Pyrope's, desk. Terezi was a fiery, blind troll, a tad taller then Jane and much more spirited. Terezi usually took the night shift so she and Jane didn't get the opportunity to spend much time together, but they enjoyed each other's company well enough. 

"Crocker!" Terezi called as she saw Jane walk in her door. "You here to interrogate our cat burglar? In those clothes?" Jane looked down, shaking her head. 

"No, no I'll find something better to wear, I just need to be brought up to speed on her arrest first." 

"There's footage." 

"Oh?" 

"I'll get you a pantsuit or something you can borrow. The footage's been filed in evidence already." Jane nodded. 

"Thank you." Terezi shrugged. 

"Anything to get these menaces off the streets and into the hands of justice." Jane smiled as she walked out of Terezi's office, secretly glad that she got out without having to hear Terezi's famous capital-J Justice rant. The wing of the evidence lab Jane found herself in was the audio-visual portion. It was mainly orderly, stacks of captured surveillance tapes and photographs, recordings from wires and phone calls loaded onto everything from thumb drives to CDs. The entire lab was organized chronologically and luckily 'Milligan's surveillance footage-arrest of Roxy Lalonde' was the first tape Jane grabbed. 

The entire scene was laid out in black and white, with no sound, and a shit camera angle. Jane found it fascinating anyway. It showed Roxy walking into the store, perusing the shelves and blatantly, unceremoniously shoving an overly cumbersome, and no doubt loud, box of crackers into her purse. She was in the direct line of sight of the cashier and barely made a move to get out of it or make her actions at all subtle. The cashier picked up his phone and said something hurriedly into it while the infamous Roxy Lalonde leisurely made her way down the aisles of the store, the box of crackers standing out obviously against the purse at her hip. Moments later police busted in, and Lalonde didn't even resist arrest, holding her hands out without throwing one of her famous knock-out punches or trying anything at all to evade capture. Her smile made Jane certain that something was up, and she was determined to get to the bottom of it. 

She walked out of evidence confused and with more questions then answers, questions she would hopefully get to ask Lalonde soon. Terezi handed her Lalonde's file and a dark pantsuit as promised, it was a bit tight around the arms, but was definitely more professional then Jane's pjs. Jane fixed her sleep-wrecked hair best she could, walked over to interrogation, willed away the flutters in her stomach, tightened her grip on Lalonde's file, and walked in. Waiting for her, sitting seemingly bored at the interrogation table was none other them Roxy Lalonde. Her skin was dark, her hair fair, she was tall but slouched in her chair, legs crossed, her violent pink eyes fell on her right hand as she pushed up her cuticles with her thumbnail, she didn't seem to give a damn where she was, or that her hands were restrained to the chair. Her eyes darted up at Jane and scrutinized her for a minute, though they seemed to lack malicious intent, then her mouth widened into an almost friendly smile. 

"About time detective!" She said, her voice bright and cheerful all things considered. "I was thinking you'd never come around. Don't worry the interrogator before you totes hyped up your act, I hope you live up to it because he was terrible." She laughed, as if this whole situation was set up just to amuse her. Jane tried not to be visually stunned at her lack of formality as she set her file down on the table and stood across from a dangerous, treasonous enemy number one. 

"You don't seem to understand the severity of the situation Ms. Lalonde." 

"Oh right," she uncrossed her legs. "I'm supposed to act scared, struggle to get out of these handcuffs and all that hoo-hah." She jiggled the binds at her wrists a little, her faux-futile growl getting wrapped up in a giggle, and her smile showing she was joking. It made Jane prickle a little. Her smile was stunning and somewhat animalistic and Jane was almost surprised her teeth weren't pointed and she was lacking horns. 

"You're supposed to understand that you're wanted and arrested for high treason against the empire, an offense punishable by death." She rolled her eyes with a huff. 

"But I can get off with a lighter sentence if I offer you information, particularly on the whereabouts of Dirk Strider, I know, I know, the last guy told me. You're not going to have a stick up your butt this whole time are you detective Crocker?" Jane blinked. 

"I didn't tell you my name." 

"Everybody who's anybody knows your name, your grandbitch built this town." She paused, inspecting Jane's, astonished and vaguely insulted, face again before her mouth twitched up into an inquisitive smile. "can I call you Janey?" 

"No." 

"Oh come on, there's no need to be so frumpy and formal." 

"This is a formal, federal interrogation." 

"But you haven't done any interrogating!" 

"You haven't let me!" Jane blurted, annoyed by the events of the interrogation thus far, she'd barely been able to get a word in with how fast Lalonde talked. 

"Just make it good then." Roxy said with a wink, looking overly relaxed for her position. 

"Where are you from?" Jane knew the answer, it was better to check their honesty first and make them feel comfortable, though she doubted Roxy was uncomfortable. 

"Is this a first date or an interrogation?" 

"Answer the question Ms. Lalonde." 

"Please, call me Roxy." Jane sighed in momentary resignation. 

"Answer the question Roxy." 

"I'm from Rainbow Falls, New York." 

"New York hadn't existed for decades Ms. L- Roxy, please use the empire-issued designation." 

"I think you guys call it Derse." 

"What district?" It took a moment of thinking. 

"Orzhov." So she was somewhat honest and could be cooperative. 

"Last week you robbed the laboratory of Peixes Futuristics, a government-funded genetic research facility, correct?" 

"You know it." She looked fairly smug about it. 

"Is this a photograph of you from that night?"Jane slid the photograph she was given yesterday across the table towards her, Roxy whistled in reply. 

"Damn that's a good pic, my legs look hella. Do you think that'll be in the papers? I want a copy of that if it won't be. Do you have any more that are this nice?" 

"I'm the one with the questions here Ms. Lalonde-" 

"Roxy." 

"Roxy." Jane reiterated, she could at least try. "Is this photograph of you on the night of the Peixes Futuristics burglary?" 

"Oh most definitely." 

"And what did you steal from Peixes Futuristics?" 

"Some experimental formula, but I 'spect you know that already. You don't need to butter me up, this ain't my first rodeo. Bring out the big guns." 

"Can you take this seriously!" 

"I'm trying, really." Jane sighed, this girl was positively infuriating. 

"Okay, and what do you plan on doing with lot 192?" Roxy shrugged in reply. "Why did you steal it?" 

"There are some currencies worth more then money." This was obviously a futile path of questioning. 

"Where is your partner?" 

"Dirk? How should I know, I'm being interrogated, I'm not with him."

"Where is your little revolution's headquarters?"

"That's on a need to know basis."

"I need to know."

"Nah you want to know but that info isn't crucial."

"This would be less like pulling teeth if you were cooperative Roxy." Roxy arched an eyebrow.

"Didn't think you'd get violent, you gonna pull my teeth?" 

"That is a more extreme interrogation methods." 

"So it's a passive-aggressive warning of what you could do?" 

"Take it how you like." 

"I'd like to make my phone call now." Jane gritted her teeth, just when she thought she was going to get somewhere. 

"You may have your phone call after the interrogation is finished." 

"But you're not going to get anything useful out of me. Lot 192 allows the genetic makeup someone or thing to be tampered with, but you should know that. You wouldn't even know who we're going to use it on." She halted her rapid speech. "Oops." It sounded earnest, but Jane saw something in her eyes that made her believe Roxy was simply a very good poker player. 

"Who are you going to use it on?" 

"Oh no-no, I've already said too much, Strider'll have my head." 

"Does Dirk Strider have violent tendencies?" Roxy scoffed. 

"He'd probably break down if he hurt me, besides I can take him d-o-w-n in a fight. Not that he's not capable of taking down any number of your drones." 

"And why hasn't he done so to break you out of custody yet?" 

"Oh that's simple Janey!" She beamed a smile at Jane. "I'm not done here yet."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back by popular demand.

" _You're_ not done here?" Jane knew she was up to something, she knew that arrest was too damn easy. She'd been trying to capture Lalonde for years and the only way they'd been able to catch her was when she all but turned herself in. Roxy nodded. 

"Yup." 

"Care to elaborate?" 

"Nah." Jane tapped her nails against her palm. "And yo it's like 4 am and I'm a night owl an all but I need my sleep. Busy day tomorrow." She smiled, and Jane almost visibly bristled. She sighed, she'd have to think of an interrogation technique especially for Roxy. 

"We're not done here." Roxy pouted, over-dramatic and full of mirth. 

"I assure you Crocker, I only get grumpier and less cooperative when I'm tired, plus I still need to make my phone call." Jane was tired as well, and it showed with how she was unable to think and interrogate at top performance, perhaps a rest would do both of them some good. Jane got up, brushing out the wrinkles of her pants. 

"Another agent will lead you to the phone, I'll be seeing you tomorrow Ms. Lalonde." 

"I look forward to it Janey!" It sounded so earnest Jane, for a moment, believed her. She then shook her head and walked out of the interrogation room. She had to prep some questions and figure out how to hammer the information she wanted out of Lalonde, but first she was going to email Equius some information and pass out on the break room couch, she could use the rest after the day she was having. 

When Jane woke it was already noon and she was handed a bagel as another officer quickly debriefed her on the situation. Lalonde hadn't tried any funny business and complied with all their rules. Her phone call was to a pet store, one Jane would make a note to investigate, and she was informed that Lalonde told the owner that she would be stopping by the store in a few days and to 'hold that cute lil black kitty, Y'know the one with the adorable meow and the tongue like sweet sandpaper'. Jane rubbed the bridge of her nose, she had never dealt with this high profile a case, and never one this confusing. She grabbed herself a cup of coffee and her notebook and got to thinking. 

When Jane walked back in to the interrogation room Roxy had managed to wiggle her left arm out of its restraint, but seemed only to be scratching the middle of her back with it. She had left no damage on the restraint and kept her right had firmly lashed to the chair. Jane deduced the orange of the prison jumpsuit wasn't really Roxy's color. 

"Howdy Janey!" Roxy called when she saw her, chuckling at Jane's raised eyebrow at her free arm. "No don't worry I'm just itchy, these jumpsuits are scratchy, and couldn't you have gone with something more fashionable." Jane sent her a proper Crocker glare, stern and powerful. 

"Ms. Lalonde I must request your silence in today's session, unless you are directly responding to a question of course. I'll allow you to keep your hand out of its restraint but the minute you try anything funny," Jane reached into her blazer, pulling out a taser from where it lay against her ribs. "I'll have to take more extreme measures to keep you in line." Roxy blinked, her face growing darker and more amused. 

"And what makes you think that'll make any difference?" 

"This taser is designed to stun horses." Roxy adjusted her posture, sitting in a slightly more formal position and crossing her free arm over her stomach. 

"Not playing today are we? Ask away then." 

"Why did you call a pet store?" 

"They have the cutest kitten, she's only a couple weeks old but she's so feisty, and I could just eat her up. So I told them to reserve her for me because I'm taking her home." 

"Yes, on the recording you said you'd be by the pick up the kitten within a few days, do you expect to escape our custody?" 

"Oh most definitely yes."

"You are aware you are being kept in the most technologically advanced maximum security prison in the entire Empire." 

"Yes."

"And you still maintain you will escape within a few days?" 

"Yes." Jane made a note to increase security and surveillance around Roxy's cell, she couldn't let her escape. 

"And was this call to a pet store a message for Dirk Strider?" Roxy laughed. 

"No, it was a message for the pet store manager." 

"Have you somehow made contact with Dirk Strider since your incarceration? You are under oath Ms. Lalonde." 

"Of course I have." 

"How?"

"I plead the fifth." 

"You are evoking an amendment of a long dead society, you are aware the United States does not exist, and thus the constitution of it is not valid?"

"It's an expression Janey." 

"Has anyone ever told you you're infuriating?" 

"Every day since I can remember." Jane chastised herself for getting off track again, she reminded herself this was an interrogation not a conversation. 

"How did you contact Dirk Strider while in our custody?" 

"Now it'd be no fun if I told you." 

"This is not a game Roxy."

"No it's not, but I have a feeling you'd be much more unhappy if I were more serious." Three quick raps on the door interrupted Jane's glare at Roxy, her head snapped towards the door. "Looks like we've got company." Jane stomped over to the door and angrily tugged it open. 

"What do you want?" She asked the poor intern, or maybe a secretary, she didn't know and didn't care; she was busy. 

"Sorry m'am, it's just Mr. Zahhak is here to see you." Jane flicked her eyes from the employee in the doorway to Roxy and back again. 

"Get Terezi in here to watch Lalonde and tell Equius to meet me at my desk, and get me a coffee while you're at it." The employee nodded enthusiastically and started jogging down the hall. 

"I'm getting a new interrogator?" Roxy piped up. 

"I'll be back, I'm just going to get some information to help this case." Roxy laughed. 

"Good luck with that Janey."


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while huh, but here we are. Back and better then ever.

Jane stalked out into the hallway, frustrated at the development of things. Terezi walked past her, smiling wide.

“Anything I need to know Crocker?”

“Do not go easy on her.” Terezi nodded and Jane continued to her desk where Equius Zahhak was waiting. Equius was a tall troll but with a slumped posture that made him appear rather unassuming in character. He was very muscular but handled things with precision and care as if his very thick hands could handle miniature screws with the sort of grace of fairy fingers. His long hair was tugged back into a ponytail though some strands were caught in the top of his broken horn.

“Equius.” Jane reached a hand out to him, his handshake was gentle and she felt the need to grip his rather harshly due to his apprehension. Jane was already feeling somewhat weak, she wouldn’t allow Equius to make her feel that way as well.

“Jane, it is good to see you again.”

“Yes, sure,” It was curt and perhaps rude but she was feeling rather ornery already and Equius was a messenger with a target on his back. She sat across from him, reaching into her desk to pull out a file which contained the information on Roxy Lalonde and Dirk Strider. She held it out to him. “These are stolen property records. I am not an inventor or a scientist by any means, so I need a little help in understanding how these items may interconnect or react with each other.” 

“That is then where I come in?”

“Precisely, and this is of the highest priority. We may not have long Equius so I implore you take some overtime if that is what is required.” The look in her eyes made him nod without argument and take the file with a,

“Yes ma’am.” 

“Contact me with reports promptly and updates regularly, thank you.” She still had her manners about her. Her Imperial Condescension didn’t raise a poor-mannered woman. 

When she left her meeting with Equius she found herself in the restroom tiredly massaging her shoulders. She was tense. She hadn’t taken into consideration the physical toll of staying at the office and dealing with such a high profile case. Her back and shoulders were tight with what could only be undone by a professional masseuse. Her hair was a little worse for wear, having not been washed and instead only wet and blown back away from the face. She was sore from not properly hydrating and working constantly. She was for all purposes a wreck. She knew this but it didn’t faze her, she rubbed her shoulders and pulled her pants up and shifted her feet to take the pressure off of her arches. She felt old, as if this is how she would feel consistently in ten years. She wondered if her grandmother dealt with pain from a life of stress. It was though satisfying. Work brought satisfaction, and this case was something she was personally invested in. She was infatuated with this case, and it would be the end of her if she did not put it to rest. 

As she was eating her lunch, making sure she had a meal that would keep her up and running throughout the night prepping, Terezi entered the cafeteria. She had a grin, whether or not that grin was satisfaction or pride or the pleasure of approaching a good challenge or just one of Terezi’s normal ear splitting grins was unknown to Jane. She pulled up a chair and sat wide legged across from Jane. 

“Crocker.”

“How was it?”

“She’s a real piece of work, but she won’t be too hard.” Jane stirred her potato   
salad with her fork absentmindedly. 

“What’d you get from her?” 

“Not much, it’s obvious that we haven’t captured her though.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that she’s here for her own reasons. She let us capture her because she needs something. I think interrogations won’t work.”

“And what would you suggest then?”

“I think we need to make it something awful for her, let her know that we’re not to be reckoned with. We need to show her that justice cannot be trifled with and that she may have thought that she could come in here for her own reasons but we will not let that stand.” Jane chewed thoughtfully for a moment, Terezi has always been a harsher hand of justice then she was but it was here that her reasoning made sense. Jane couldn’t stand the notion of hurting her, Roxy was quite the woman and Jane was impressed and endeared by her character. Luckily a little intimidation was nothing that Jane couldn’t handle. 

“I think that’s fair. I’ll write the report up, make it clear that I signed off on shoving aside conventional rights and regulations. I doubt this will be an issue. Gran always told me to be harsher.” Terezi smiled again, wide and sharp toothed. Troll’s teeth always gave Jane a bit of innate fear, but her lack of evolutionary prowess was shirked aside by the trust she held for her colleagues. 

“You’re doing the right thing Crocker, we’ll put these two menaces to justice. We’ll wipe them from the empire, we’re going to protect millions.”

“I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was sort of a get-shit-done chapter, but i'll wrangle this beast at some point. Catch me @Barefootcosplayer on Tumblr, and don't forget to hit me with your praise or comments or suggestions. Thanks for reading babes.


	5. Chapter 5

The first order Jane sent out was for sturdier bonds in the interrogation room. The previously tight but gentle restraints were replaced with unwieldy metal, and ankle and torso straps were added. Jane was worried about Roxy’s flexibility; she wanted to make her as uncomfortable and unable as possible. Her next request was for more guards watching Roxy at all times. At least two armed men would inhabit the same room as her every minute of every day. Jane hoped it would not only make her uncomfortable and potentially more wary or sleep-deprived, but also that the men would be able to handle themselves against her. Jane was less sure about that. The next thing Jane requested was to bring her own fork-trident into work. 

When the time came Jane felt excited, anxious, and perhaps guilty in the same way. She could not bring herself to be anything but infatuated with Roxy, and those emotions made her conflicted in the idea of hurting her. She was a traitor to her empire, unequivocally, but in Jane’s mind, for some reason she was unable to fathom, she could not equate Roxy’s treacherousness with her being worthy of this pain. Jane thought of what her grandmother would say, 

“Jane Crocker, you are the hand of your Empire. You wield its weaponry and must act swiftly to protect it. The last thing a Crocker can be weak, you shall not be weak.” 

She exhaled, feeling Terezi’s excitement buzzing next to her. Terezi was always excited when she thought that she would be bringing someone to justice, and these circumstances were right up Terezi’s iron-fisted alley. Jane had one hand tightly wrapped around her Crocker-branded melee fork; she brought the rather ornate one. It was a gift from her grandmother, and it was the most intimidating Jane supposed she could look. 

Terezi patted her on the shoulder, gave her a ridiculous smile.

“Bring her to justice Croker.”

“I will.” She said, hoping to convince herself, and walked into the room.  
There were three armed guards already in the space, two behind where Roxy sat and one in the corner watching her. Roxy herself sat in her heavily restrained chair just as cheerfully as she had the days previous. Her arms and legs and torso were lashed to the chair and her smile was wide and bright. 

“Morning officers!” She said, her eyes immediately scanning across Jane’s weapon. Her smile didn’t fade but her eyes narrowed a smidgen, she was thinking. That was promising to Jane. “We’re sure getting crowded in here. These two,” she nodded to the guards behind her, “are by now old friends of mine, but it’s always good to have new buddies join us.” 

“Roxy Lalonde, you are here on accounts of high treason and at least five accounts of theft. You shall be sentenced to execution as soon as you refuse to provide the empire with information regarding the plans of you, Dirk Strider, or any leftover from your parents: Dave Strider and Rose Lalonde. Do you understand?”

“Leave my parents out of this.”

“Do you understand?” 

“What happens if I don’t?” Jane shifts her Fork towards her, motioning for the guards to hold her shoulders tight in place. “Ah, I do understand.” The guards stood back again. 

“What are the whereabouts of your and Dirk Strider’s home?”

“Which one?”

“Your primary residence.” Roxy shrugged best she could.

“Even if I told you you wouldn’t know how to get there.” 

“Where is your primary residency?”

“It’s not within the empire; it’s out in the ocean.” 

“Is that the location of any of the properties you stole?” 

“No.” 

‘Where are they located?”

“Depends which one you’re talking about. Janey as hot as this whole power fantasy thing is it’s also kind of boring.” 

“What else is occupying your mind?”

“Oh everything you know? Right now I’m thinking about how pretty guard number two over there is, and how you’d look much better in anything other than a pantsuit.” Jane sighed, refusing to get on any tangents. She tightened her grip around her weapon and settled her shoulders. 

“Where is the uranium located?”

“Wherever Dirk is”

“Where is the portion of the nuclear reactor located?”

“Wherever Dirk is?”

“Where is lot 192 located?” 

“Wherever Dirk is.” 

“Where is Dirk?” Roxy smiled: devious but knowing. This look was sustained for a minute, and with a quiet pop the power in the room went. The lights went black, the recorder buzzed to a stop, the lights on the phone dimmed into nothing. Most worrying of all the red emergency lights that should have flooded the room, and the backup magnetized door locks did not activate. Jane grabbed her weapon close, lowered herself into a defensive stance. 

“Secure the prisoner!” she shouted, hearing the scrape of metal on the floor, the scuff of shoes, the door opened. Jane whipped around towards the door; thrust her Fork out in front of her where it found no purchase. There were a few clicks, then an excited gasp. 

“You didn’t!” Roxy sounded excruciatingly pleased, and her cry was followed by a small ‘meow’. Roxy awed over this. There was a hand on Jane’s Fork, and suddenly she became distinctly aware that she was in the dark with not only a freed Roxy Lalonde, but surely Dirk Strider as well. Jane felt her bones freeze; she didn’t know exactly what she was supposed to do in this sort of circumstance. She didn’t have to make the decision though, as soon her arms were held fast to her sides and her Fork was taken from her. 

“Are you sure about this?” A new voice, a dry tenor, spoke. Next thing Jane knew she was off her feet and moving faster than she had ever experienced before. She tried to pull her head up and examine the world around her, but soon her eyes were covered and all she could hear was the indistinct murmuring of the two parties besides her, and the occasional meow. 

“Dirk she’s perfect, I think I’ll name her Shade.”

“I think she’s already been named Jane.” Roxy laughed, and this time it was genuine. That only scared her more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo this is doing The Most but it's a fun piece to write so if you're along for the ride bless and thanks.


	6. Chapter 6

In her blindness Jane heard a few things, mundane at best though she strained her ears to hear it: shoes and movement, the whistle of wind, meows, and comments like "you're always so perfect with your timing Dirk". Jane couldn't help but think of the drama of it all, what a production, what else could she have expected. Jane was carried somewhere, shifted from Strider to Lalonde and back and back again until she was settled into a chair unbound, cocky of them. 

Jane's cover was lifted almost as soon as she was set down and she was faced in a room with Dirk Strider alone. He was tall as Roxy was and skinny too. His body was compact and sharp but carried obvious strength to it, if a greyhound were human. His hair was unnecessarily styled to match a ridiculous pair of shades and he was leaning against the wall, belt buckle glinting in the fluorescent lights. She would have usually been struck with his presence, her mind too busy to bother. No windows, a door by which he leaned, and some sparse furniture were all Jane could see. 

"What do you want with me?" Jane stood up, trying to make herself appear the larger, more intimidating of the two in the room. She felt nauseated with the movement. It was as if the world were churning beneath her. 

"Wanted you off our back with some bonuses on the side." Candid but empty, a dead end subject. She paced around the room, examining the autonomy he allowed her. He didn't seem to care what she did. The door opened with no fanfare and in walked Roxy. She was freshly showered, wet hair still dripping at the ends, droplets of water still pearled on the dark skin of her shoulder. She was wearing a tank top like Dirk was but where his was a situationally suited black hers was neon purple, Jane was struck when she saw her. It passed readily though. 

"Hey Crocker, sorry to do this to you but you really were getting a little too serious for comfort. We tend to like a little more breathing room." 

"You kidnapped me." 

"You kidnapped me first." Roxy said with a wink. "But it's not so much kidnapping, we just didn't want you poking your nose into our business you know.” 

“Make yourself at home Crocker.” He sounded completely blasé, unimpressed at least. The fact that he had the disrespect to treat her like she wasn’t a threat boiled her blood, Crocker women were calm and rational and hotheaded and Jane was no exception. Roxy’s comments only burned her further, made her feel infantile. 

“There’s food in the kitchen.” 

“This is just a vacation for me then.” 

“That’s a good way to think about it! You work too much.” 

“You don’t know me.” She laughed and gave only a slight self-assure shrug as a retort. 

“That’s enough Rox, we’ve got places to go, stuff to get done.” 

“You and your schedule Dirk, you’re more talkative then I am.” 

“I am not.” 

“Uh-huh, remember the last guest we had?” 

“Guest?” Jane spoke up, though she knew the conversation was not hers. 

“He was an exception and you know that.” 

“Just because you had a thing for him doesn’t mean you didn’t mess that up.” 

“Alright alright, she doesn’t need to hear this.”

“Okay I just have one request for her.” Roxy whipped her head to face Jane. “Hey Janey, Shade’s gonna be stuck here while we’re away because she needs to get to know the others, just feed her and her siblings for me okay?” 

“Sure?” 

“Thanks doll!” And she waved, and gently pushed Dirk’s shoulder and they were gone. 

Once Jane was certain they had left the premises she pushed the door of the room open. Walking churned her guts, made her feel sick again, she didn’t understand why. She laughed in her chest, what idiots they were to leave her unchained, how could they be so confident. She exited out into a hallway. It was plain and it was clean enough and it was uneventful. There were doors on both the right and the left, both were locked, she presumed them bedrooms. It was smart of them to hide their secrets, though she doesn’t understand why they’d let her stay free. She stepped over a lazy black cat as she passed, not giving it too much of a glance but the back of her mind tingled that there was something wrong with the cat’s face. She didn't bother to look into it. 

At the end of the hallway was a living room, it was surprisingly plain. There was a couch, two cats laying on it, a blanket, a table and television and pictures on the walls of family members. It was normal. Jane took one of the framed pictures in her hands, there in the photo was a woman she instantly recognized as Rose Lalonde holding in her arms a child who could only be assumed to be Roxy. She was lovely, her eyes were kind and knowing and Jane, taught with hatred for this woman, couldn’t help but feel endeared. There frame next to it held a signed magazine cover depicting Dave Strider giving finger guns to the camera, it was well-preserved. Jane was angry at their presence, at knowing these people had tried to ruin her family and her empire, but it felt wrong when projected on these passive, parental figures.

She turned away, unnerved by the familiarity with which this was laid out, she didn’t understand why they would let her see this. Was it brain games? Were they trying to endear her to them? Was it a power move to prove that they weren’t afraid of her? Jane couldn’t tell.

Off from this living room was a kitchen and a workroom. She investigated the workroom first but she couldn’t find any of the items she presumed stolen, the sheet metal perhaps. Instead she found humanoid figures, metal men of square jaw and squat stature. They were charming but unnerving, they looked powerful and capable but they were happily powered down. In this room Jane was afraid, a little, her neck felt constantly watched as if some predatory would lunge behind her for the most valuable and delicate portion of her body. Nothing did, but the feeling was inescapable. She left that room hurriedly but took in all of the detail she could, trying to digest information before her worry and fear consumed her. 

It was the kitchen next, normal again, unnervingly simple and pleasant. She was uncomfortable thinking of these criminals this way, some cognitive dissonance over the concept of Dirk and Roxy living a normal life. There were cat bowls on the ground, a few of them, and there were more cats lounging around this area as well. She recognized one of them as the youngest, presumably Shade. Jane took the bag of cat food off the counter and refilled the bowl, wondering during the motion why she bothered. She didn’t care for these cats or these people or this home.

The front door was locked, but not dead-bolted, locked somehow from the outside in a way that made the door incapable of budging. This door didn’t unlock and Jane was confused as to why. She knocked and pounded on it, attempting to take this information and run, but she was unable. 

She moved then to a window, thinking she could use that as a manner of escape. When she pulled up the glass she was assaulted with the smell and sound of ocean waves, her head rebelled with misunderstanding. She looked out across the view trying to comprehend the truth. There was an ocean, an endless ocean there. Blue and angrily smacking against the siding of this home, she couldn’t understand it. Her stomach lurched, and she vomited, watching herself be sunk and swept away by this impossible ocean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who’s still doing this I guess. It’s like 1 am go easy on me. Lowkey hype to write the next one, but lowkey too busy to ever do it. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
